My birthday isn't even here yet, but I find myself a little sad. Is it the fact that I'm turning 33? Or is it because it's like Christmas and you want to expect some really cool presents, but a reality check comes, and you realize that nothing "cool" is coming because:
- you are not a shallow person who is materialistic enough to find clutter and cheap plastic "cool" anymore,
- you don't REALLY need anything anymore,
- your family doesn't know what you really want anyways,
- your family couldn't afford it even if they did!
So what is important to me? Family and quality time with those I love. Sadly, that takes planning and intentional forethought. . .not something most husbands are very good at. Mine is no exception. Every Mother's day is a complete flop for that reason, and birthdays are only sometimes better because of one thing: a woman. (Usually my Mother in law, ironically.) Either friends or family usually jump in to plan a party, outing or short vacation, because they feel it is as much their place as my husband's to do so I guess. When I look back on any birthday that I actually enjoyed, it was always planned by a woman! So my thought now is, that maybe that's just the way it should be. It's kind of like birth, sickness and even death. . .woman are there for each other. Nurturing both physically and emotionally; men are just a disappointment if expected to be. So again I find myself lowering my expectations in order to be happy in my marriage. . . but you know, why should I expect him to be like me in order to make me happy? And for that matter, who says I'm so hot at planning parties and fun stuff for friends birthdays?! I've never really thought it my place before, so I used that as an excuse to not feel bad for my lacking forethought and organization. Truth be known, I'm much more like a guy in this. As I want to live by the golden rule though, I need to start paying more attention to stuff like that. So when is everyone's birthday? . . . (Now I'm digging a hole for myself:(
I experience this very same thing, Angela. Even though my husband loves me and thinks of me often, he cannot organize gifts or events for me very well. I, on the other hand, am too good at thinking of every one else in the family, including my husband, pretty much constantly. I think that my abilities have raised my expectations for when my birthday and Mother's Day come around.
ReplyDeleteMy birthday is June 9th, by the way. When is yours? I am already dreading my birthday, too, being that it is a little over a week away. I feel like I am too hard on myself. I want to be able to feel accomplished and productive to the point that everyone else wants to celebrate this for me, too. However, I think this is an unfair expectation, because I am placing too much of my self-concept on external sources of affirmation. Is it too general to think this might be a "normal" female disposition, especially for homemakers like us?
I could definitely help you with checklists and time-lines for organizing your family's birthdays and such, if that is part of your concern here. As for how you feel about the days specific to you, well, I don't have a very good answer. When I feel downtrodden by my expectations not being met (even when I haven't realized my expectations beforehand), I have to push myself to accept that holiday-specific dates are just as hyped as anything else in this culture that sells to the masses. I try to count how many times in a week or a month or a year that my husband and family have shown their appreciation for me without the media coercing them into a specific window of time.
I believe the truth is that stay-at-home moms see more and feel more about everyone in their family on a regular basis than anyone else does. Therefore, we will naturally have more perspective on celebrating the holidays specific to our family members. I have found that I feel better about the day I was born on those days, rather than my own birthday, because I am here to make the magic happen for everyone else and I get to see it take place. As for our own birthdays, I guess it's a work in progress in figuring out how we can feel that same magic from the things that our families offer, be as they may less grandiose (just speaking for myself there). By grandiose, I mean planning and thoughtfulness and putting it all together, not materialistically, because I don't have a need for shiny things anymore, either.
I guess I want grandiose plans for everyone's birthday,like I want for mine, but I live within bounds of time, and practicality. I know it takes effort and time to get organized to even send a card! Sometimes I don't even think it's practical to be buying cards for people's birthdays either, when there are phones and e-mail. I certainly don't fault anyone who remembers to call to congratulate someone, instead of sending a card, because I would way prefer it!
ReplyDeleteI guess this post was thinking aloud about understanding how it's ok to quietly grow older. And speaking of, I was reminded that I'm turning 33 not 34. I always seem to be one year off one way or the other! (Once I lost two years!)
Well, how is this friend going to know when your birthday is? Tell me, already! As for birthdays, I found a site, orientaltrading.com that has really good deals on birthday supplies. I've compared them to walmart, factory card outlet, target, party starts here, amazon and ebay. Overall, Oriental Trading Company seems to be the most economical. I used to wait until the last minute to do birthday plans until this year. Since 3 of the boys have birthdays exactly 3 months in a row, I had to plan a lot better this time around. I peruse the children's consignment shops in the area and often look on craigslist for things that might be thoughtful gifts even in a year for the kids as individuals. Time is very limited, I know that. As for cards, Factory Card Outlet is by far the best for purchasing cards. They are right down the mountain from you and most of their cards are $1 or less. You could make yourself a reminder calendar to tell yourself when to send out cards for people or whatnot. I think the course I took in time management may have helped me see the benefit in putting just about everything on a calendar even though I thought it was overkill, at first. I do a lot of my schedule writing and list writing whenever Jeff is driving us somewhere, because that's the most I really ever sit down and have my hands free, it seems.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Again, when is your birthday?!
My Birthday is the 1st of June. . .so you technically missed it. That's ok though, I didn't do a party. If you are interested though, I'm thinking of going to funquest to rollerskate maybe Friday night. If we brought our hubbies we could trade off with the babies at least. . .interested?
ReplyDeleteWhere do gift cards rank on the planning and forethought scale?
ReplyDelete