As a conservative Christian, my worldview said that I as a child of God, was the "apple of God's eye", and my every move was predestined by God, before I was ever born. God knew everything, and was everywhere, "beholding the evil and the good". And though it grieved him greatly at times to do it, he had to simply watch the evil, and do nothing, as he had promised not to destroy the earth with a flood again, and most Christian's I knew believed that we lived in a "day of grace" because of Jesus'e sacrifice. Furthermore I justified, "it wasn't God's plan for there to be evil, it was the original curse or my or others choices that caused it". I was always told that God never caused "evil", just allowed Satan to do it, to bring himself glory and people to repentance.
I never really thought too deeply about all the ramifications of those reasoning's, like most don't until bad things happen to them and it shakes their faith. I just trusted that God was aware of everything, and if I followed him, everything would work out well for me, even if it hadn't for others who maybe weren't Christians, or walking with God as close as I was. So if I always chose to act according to God's will, I would be bound to have everything go well. . .after all, the Bible tells me that "All things work together for good to those who love God. . ." If I got deceived or confused and swayed from the path momentarily, I could just repent, and get back to God's perfect will I figured.
Unfortunately, Scientists are suspecting that we could live in a reality made by every choice we make. For every other choice then, there is another reality. Kind of like that movie "Source code". So, if you had ever made a decision that wasn't "God's perfect plan for your life", it could derail the whole thing, and send you off in a wild unpredictable path, that God had no control over, or knowledge of, with no way of returning to the other perfect plan, ever. . . theoretically. I suppose no one wants to think that far down the free will path though.
So, back to that conversation with the cult members; It was the first time I actually wondered if I was sure that God was involved in my life, and protecting me any better then those people, or so many other Christians I knew who had had bad things happen to them? Or was it simply my optimistic mindset that made me see through rose colored glasses every time something bad happened?
For the first time in my life I faced my deep questions like, "was it just my own, or my hubby's wise choices, good work ethic, a good family and plain old luck that had kept us out of the poor house, or was it truly because the Bible promised that "his seed would never have to beg bread"? I suddenly wondered if my (mostly) good health had more to do with upbringing, intelligence, habits, and how I chose to spend my money, instead of how God was blessing me and my family with good health?
So, I guess I started noticing, and thinking critically (not magically). Consequently I stopped giving all the glory to God about my "blessings", and noticed it was just me, circumstances or other people that controlled my destiny. At about that time my husband started to go away from all religious beliefs, and in the process analyzed everything in the light of reality, science and reason, instead of upbringing, and superstition. I thought he was over reacting to a few lies he had been told in religion, or was being too pessimistic, but nonetheless I respected his intelligence and listened to his reasoning. . . so I could debunk it mostly. Not realizing that as he was throwing out God, I was throwing out the need and justification for him myself!
On the surface, I still did what every good Christian did though. When something bad did happened to me, I trusted in God, and would see the positive side of it, thinking that I might have been given this trial as a way to empathize with others. I saw the support of others in this trying time as a blessing from God, and tried to major on that. . .even repeating to myself that "Those whom God loveth he chasteneth." At the same time, deep down I also asked the really hard questions, like respectfully, "why God?" Was this a lesson to teach me something, or was it to judge me? Was it just to "give glory to God" through my good attitude in it all?
Inevitably it did give God glory in a small way, but what it really did was give glory to me and my religion. . .and that felt good. I was suffering through with a positive attitude in a sense because I wanted to prove my religion works for the sake of the unbelievers like my husband. . .and even to myself! I couldn't admit to this of course though. (Anymore then the future cults I got involved with wanted to admit that the reason they acted the pious way they did in public and even private, was because they needed to prove they were a part of "the one true church". Which is why they had to have a good testimony at all times. . .the same thing taught to me as a kid in even mainstream Christianity.)
So eventually, to give a fair scientific test for the involvement of a God in my life, or not, I started comparing myself and my situation to those who had made the same wise choices in life, about finances, or health for instance, and I took note if it mattered if they claimed religion, or denied it. I started by observing my hubby. . .then went on to other religions or Atheists.
I then compared myself with those who made other, IMO less then wise choices, and claimed they were led of God to do them. Not surprisingly, they claimed to have horrible "luck" or be tested by God, or "buffeted by Satan" a lot. These people claimed the verse "all those who live godly in Christ Jesus, shall suffer persecution." They would remind themselves frequently that "this world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through. . ."
When something went wrong because of that choice, or lifestyle, never did they question or admit to that choice being not God's will though. Rarely would one admit even that the choice they were "led" to make was only meant to be for a moment even. Generally, the cause of most problems I saw in the Christians life, was because of the belief that God was leading them, his way was best, and his way would never change. Whereas, those without that belief seemed to take responsibility for the directions they went in life, and were willing to change when they could see that it was a poor one.
To this day, it's amazing to me how people can be so blissfully happy about horrible things happening, as long as they have a trust that "all things work together for good, to those who love God. . ." That's great and all, while I love the power of positive thinking too, I wonder what kind of stupidity, or lack of empathy for others says "praise the lord" in some situations. Like when your young child is diagnosed with cancer, and after praying for a miracle that doesn't seem to come, you take him to the hospital for an emergency surgery. After just about everything goes wrong, and all the drugs and pain of major surgery, (not to mention the bills) many hours later your child comes out and they tell you, it was a false alarm, and there was no emergency after all.
So, God knew and allowed all that? The fuss, expense, worry, pain, and was that because you or your husband needed a lesson, or you just really needed the support of people right then? (I'm sure it did feel good.) Or was it another case like Job's in the Bible?
I've always wondered how in the world that situation can be justified in the mind of an empathetic, logical person? I always had issues with that. Think about it, God was said to have had basically a bet, at the expense of his most loyal servant/creation. He held him in the highest esteem of all those on earth, yet didn't hesitate to put him through all manner of torture just to prove his absolute loyalty. Did it even give glory to God on earth? No! The whole point was to show off Job's loyalty to this council of "Angels". Which as I have explained before in the original language meant nothing more then "gods."
Do we hear of a public apology from God to Job though, to reinstate his pride? Or do we just see "God" telling off Job's friends, and bragging about how much more knowledgeable he has about nature, and how he is able to fish for the big sea creatures in the ocean? Is there a magical return of his stuff, and his children revived, or do we simply see a natural building up of Job's wealth (from his wise choices) and family again (again from his choices) after he gets over his course of boils, which BTW, are often caused by stress. . .
While do doubt the "fire from heaven" that destroyed his 7,000 sheep was because of a direct assault from the "sons of God" (whom I clarified in an earlier post were actually Angels/gods/aliens) the rest of the attacks could have just been bad luck because of jealous neighboring groups. After enough of this bad luck though, a superstitious mind would have to guess that God is judging him. So I suspect the reaction of Job's friends was the best reaction you could expect from religious friends. It gets me why instead of an apology, or a reinstating of his stuff by God, he criticizes Job's his friends for their inevitable presumption of God judging of Job.
The real kicker is that the well meaning friends are the bad guys in the story, not Satan, who was actually sent and blessed by God! Hmm, maybe because he wasn't meant to be a bad guy at that time, as Satan hadn't yet been invented? He was simply sent by the council of the god's to act as an adversary/satan to test their creation's loyalty. A diffidence I explain in my post: Are God and Satan really one and the same as some say. . .? Part 11
Of course, if you can handle swallowing the story of Job, and believe that is fair treatment from an all loving, all powerful God, well, then no amount of innocent, good people, (even those who have never heard about Jesus) being tortured on earth and later sent to Hell, should be a problem to you. Those who get raped, tortured, maimed or killed for standing for right, or just being born in the wrong time, the wrong place or to the wrong people should also not be an issue to you. . .as it's obviously for their good and "God's glory". With this reasoning the inquisition, crusades, and witch hunts were carried out.
All I can say is, many good people started/start questioning God and religion not out of bitterness for their own bad luck, (which I have not really had much of) but out of an empathy for others and a higher moral standard then seems to be shown in the Bible. . .
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